Songs - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Driving Through Construction Sites in Massachusetts

A song about driving in Massachusetts in summer.

(Sung to the tune of “Take me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver.)

Far from Heaven
Massachusetts
Closed roads, detours
Lane drop in one mile
Roads are old here
Older than the trees
Gee, it sure is hot outside
Broken down AC

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s hot
Massachusetts, Toll lanes open
Not the roads, can’t get home

All frustrations gather round them
Men and ladies, strangers to good manners
Hot and dusty, steam up in the sky
Burning smell of asphalt
Teardrops in my eye

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s late
Massachusetts, no one can merge
Cut them off, that’ll work

I hear a voice
in the car that tries to pass me
The radio can’t drown out what is next to me today
And crawlin’ down the road I get a feelin’
The traffic will be even worse on the next day, worse next day

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
No one knows how to drive
Massachusetts, speed your car up
Block them out, don’t be weak

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Not from there. Must detour
Massachusetts, Cape and Berkshires
Can’t go home. Roads are closed
Traffic jams every road
Traffic jams every road

Feeding the Dog When your Children won’t

Doggie runs out the back, just before I drink coffee black. Back inside, check the bowl. Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go.

Sung to the song “Walking the Dog” by Rufus Thomas

Doggie runs, out the back
Just before I drink coffee black
Back inside, check the bowl
Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

I asked my children, like 15 times
All I get from them is groans and sighs
Things I ask always make them cry
They’ll feed her dinner at quarter to five

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Well, well, children, lunch at 12
Who will feed our doggie now?
It’s so hard to scoop up that kibble
How will she get her doggie chow?

I’ll feed the dog
I’m always feeding the dog
If you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

Daddy’s back with grocery sacks
Shopping for the little Jills and Jacks
Doggie knows, time to fill the bowl
Kids are gone, but where did they go?

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Yeah, just a-feeding
Just a-feeding
I’m always feeding
Now, if you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

For the love of God
Would someone please feed the dog?

Follow me on Instagram (Greg_the_Brave).

When did this Life Begin (for parents)?

Six o’clock the usual morning lineup
Try to find a coffee cup that’s clean
Answer adoring messages fans write up
Put some dishes away, then it’s like 7:15

Music from “Tangled” to help with your day

Sung to the tune of “When will my Life Begin?” from “Tangled”.

Rapunzel from Disney's "Tangled" leaning out a window and looking up while singing. — *Photo: Disney*

Six o’clock the usual morning lineup
Try to find a coffee cup that’s clean
Answer adoring messages fans write up
Put some dishes away, then it’s like 7:15

And so, I’ll knock on doors
Or maybe two or three
It’s time to get up, kids
Now, days are ruined, see?
I’ll make their breakfast
And they won’t eat what they see
Just wonder when did this life begin?

After drop-offs it’s laundry and cleaning
Take out the trash. Some music for the stress
Grocery shopping and more music streaming

Then I’ll take clean clothes to rooms.
Oh my God! What a mess!

A boy's room with clothes and toys all over the floor and on the bed. — *Oh my God! What a mess!*

And then I’ll write some words
If I have time to spare
Bring dirty dishes down
I’m sure there’s room somewhere
Bring dirty laundry down
And clean clothes up the stair
On their beds where they’ve always been.
And I’ll keep washin’, foldin’,
Luggin’, and wonderin’
When did this life begin?

And then tonight
The kids will disappear
Just like they do every night each year
And it is nice
That time when they go
Now that It’s quiet
I might just
Thought you’d know