Parody - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Driving Through Construction Sites in Massachusetts

A song about driving in Massachusetts in summer.

(Sung to the tune of “Take me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver.)

Far from Heaven
Massachusetts
Closed roads, detours
Lane drop in one mile
Roads are old here
Older than the trees
Gee, it sure is hot outside
Broken down AC

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s hot
Massachusetts, Toll lanes open
Not the roads, can’t get home

All frustrations gather round them
Men and ladies, strangers to good manners
Hot and dusty, steam up in the sky
Burning smell of asphalt
Teardrops in my eye

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s late
Massachusetts, no one can merge
Cut them off, that’ll work

I hear a voice
in the car that tries to pass me
The radio can’t drown out what is next to me today
And crawlin’ down the road I get a feelin’
The traffic will be even worse on the next day, worse next day

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
No one knows how to drive
Massachusetts, speed your car up
Block them out, don’t be weak

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Not from there. Must detour
Massachusetts, Cape and Berkshires
Can’t go home. Roads are closed
Traffic jams every road
Traffic jams every road

Feeding the Dog When your Children won’t

Doggie runs out the back, just before I drink coffee black. Back inside, check the bowl. Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go.

Sung to the song “Walking the Dog” by Rufus Thomas

Doggie runs, out the back
Just before I drink coffee black
Back inside, check the bowl
Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

I asked my children, like 15 times
All I get from them is groans and sighs
Things I ask always make them cry
They’ll feed her dinner at quarter to five

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Well, well, children, lunch at 12
Who will feed our doggie now?
It’s so hard to scoop up that kibble
How will she get her doggie chow?

I’ll feed the dog
I’m always feeding the dog
If you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

Daddy’s back with grocery sacks
Shopping for the little Jills and Jacks
Doggie knows, time to fill the bowl
Kids are gone, but where did they go?

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Yeah, just a-feeding
Just a-feeding
I’m always feeding
Now, if you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

For the love of God
Would someone please feed the dog?

Follow me on Instagram (Greg_the_Brave).

‘Rona

(Sung to “Lola” by The Kinks)

I’m stuck here at home with five or six kids

Where they just want screens and want to drink

Coca-Cola

C-O-L-A Cola

The Gaggle has to sneeze. The Oppressed needs to cough

They do what they must. In a laughing voice they say “’Rona”

R-O-N-A Rona, Ro Ro Ro Ro ‘Rona

Well, I’m not the most intelligent guy

But when the homework starts it nearly breaks my mind

Oh the ‘Rona, Ro Ro Ro Ro ‘Rona

Well I’m not dumb but I can’t understand

Why they can’t figure math but can unlock IPads

Oh ‘Rona, Ro Ro Ro Ro Rona, Ro Ro Ro Ro Rona

Well, we watch movies all through the night

Sometimes the fireplace has light

The Oppressed or The Boy is on my knee

I wish I could sit with their mommy

Well, I’m not the most intelligent guy

But why is Nintendo Switch

Missing again? Oh, ‘Rona

Ro ro ro ro ‘Rona, ro ro ro ro ‘Rona

I can’t run away

I just lock the door

I lay on the floor

And I start to read

Then I look at them ‘cause they found me

Well, that’s the way that it is everyday

And it will continue to be that way with the ‘Rona

Ro ro ro ro ‘Rona

Two boys and three or four girls

It’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world

With the ‘Rona

Ro ro ro ro ‘Rona

Well, Coronapalooza started in March last

The bourbon and scotch are running out fast

The Gaggle smiles with my Zelda game

The Oppressed and The Boy will both do the same

Well, we had a cleaning and learning plan

And the kids are saying no way to that plan

With the ‘Rona

Ro ro ro ro ‘Rona, ro ro ro ro ‘Rona

‘Rona, ro ro ro ro ‘Rona, ro ro ro ro ‘Rona