Pets - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Winston and Friends Show what Pets can do Around the House

Things don’t go as planned for Winston. Luckily, Rollo sees something is bothering him and explains he already does things for his family. Our pets don’t realize (or don’t care) that they contribute to their household just by being friends and companions. Cats rest on out laps when we’re sitting reading or watching television. Dogs can sense when we’re feeling down and come up to us to cheer us up. There are many things our pets can do to cheer us up after a bad day.

Daddies and mommies know I do a lot of writing about the animals in our house. Like our children, some of these stories provide a little more excitement than we would like. If it’s a mess in the house or a special trip to the vet, or a combination of the two, Kitty and Doggie have provided some adventures that leave Wife and I collapsing on our bed at the end of the stay, staring at the ceiling.

Our Pets Help in Different Ways

People have pets for companionship. It’s a far cry from the good old days when dogs would be used for hunting out in the fields or warning residents of visitors to the village. That being said, Doggie does get a little excited and boisterous when someone approaches our door or, God forbid, walks past our house.

Kitty does protect our house. Members of my household may not agree with this irrefutable statement of fact, but I know what I see when Kitty and I are hanging out. Her services have prevented mice from infiltrating our home and other rodents from pillaging our fruit and vegetable gardens.

Animals provide protection and companionship. My family is grateful for the many gifts they provide us, and we show our appreciation in return with food, shelter, and the occasional gift and/or treat.

A Children’s Book about Dogs and Cats

If you are a pet owner, or just someone who loves animals, you should see the works of Gloria Kundig and Caroline George. These animal-loving ladies have written children’s books about a dog named Winston and his cat friends, Rollo, Rooney, and Kaia. These books are great for you to read with your children or for your children to practice reading on their own. I tried many times to have The Boy read to me, but according to him, it was always better to have it the other way around.

The Cast of Characters

Winston – A Dachshund
Rollo – A British longhair cat
Rooney – A British shorthair cat
Kaia – A ragdoll cat

Winston and his African Adventure

One day, Winston and the cats are out in the backyard enjoying the sunshine when Winston came across an old map. The excited dog galloped to his feline friends to show them what he found laying in the yard. It was a map of Africa. The friends packed treats and toys and made their journey there. The friends encountered jungles and savannahs and met new friends who lived there. Winston and the cats also learned about bravery from a lion. The four domesticated animals marveled at the stripes on a zebra and the speed of a cheetah. All the while, there was fun and games and new friendships.

Winston and the cats returned home and told the humans about the fun they had in Africa, the games they played and the things they learned. Their time with the new friends allowed them to learn about a new place and the animals who call that new place home.

A Quest to Find his Purpose

“Your family loves you, and you already do a lot for them.” – Rollo

There is another story about Winston shared by Gloria and Caroline. In this story, Winston sees his humans working around the house cleaning and making sure everything is orderly. Winston wants to help the family. He wants to be able to contribute, but this mission isn’t as easy as he first thought it would be.

Winston wants to weed the garden, but he ends up pulling flowers out of the garden. He wants to make something yummy for the family. Unfortunately, Winston finds out he’s not a great cook. He then tries to clean up around the house. This doesn’t end well. Here’s a hint: How do dogs clean themselves?

Winston’s books contain a lot of self-discovery and adventures. As I mentioned before, they are easy enough to read on their own, or you can have fun reading these with your children. You can also use your imagination. What do you think your children would do if they had the chance to explore in Africa?

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Feeding the Dog When your Children won’t

Doggie runs out the back, just before I drink coffee black. Back inside, check the bowl. Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go.

Sung to the song “Walking the Dog” by Rufus Thomas

Doggie runs, out the back
Just before I drink coffee black
Back inside, check the bowl
Dog needs to eat, so I guess I’ll go

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

I asked my children, like 15 times
All I get from them is groans and sighs
Things I ask always make them cry
They’ll feed her dinner at quarter to five

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Well, well, children, lunch at 12
Who will feed our doggie now?
It’s so hard to scoop up that kibble
How will she get her doggie chow?

I’ll feed the dog
I’m always feeding the dog
If you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

Daddy’s back with grocery sacks
Shopping for the little Jills and Jacks
Doggie knows, time to fill the bowl
Kids are gone, but where did they go?

Feeding the dog
I’m just a-feeding the dog
Well, since no one else will do it
I guess I’ll have to feed the dog

Yeah, just a-feeding
Just a-feeding
I’m always feeding
Now, if you don’t know how to do it
I’ll show you how to feed the dog

For the love of God
Would someone please feed the dog?

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The Joy of Dogs and the Unending Chewing Excitement

We have two animals in our house. If you saw what are house looked like sometimes, you’d think we have more than that.

Six children. Four teenagers. You can just imagine what the kitchen, bathrooms, and bedrooms look like. It’s fun. We also have a dog that likes to go from room to room and see what she can play (chew up into little pieces and walk away) with.

A carpet with chewed up plastic containers and paper, and a large bone. — *Remnants of Doggie’s chewing. The blue is the inside of a chew toy she pulled apart.*

I Learned Something the Hard Way

We’ve learned to keep things away from the edge of the table. Doggie likes to take whatever she can find and chew and tear it beyond recognition. There was this one incident last year when I had been commissioned to write a newsletter for a college’s pharmacy school. It was a long process that involved hours of telephone calls and video conferencing. Because I’m old school, I took notes on paper for these interviews. I was looking everything over, including my finished stories when another emergency required my attention.

I left my notes on the dining room table to tend to said emergency. When I had returned, I found that Doggie had somehow made her way onto the table and chewed on my notes. Lucky for me, my stories had been written and I was just waiting for final confirmation and approval from the school. The point is, Doggie had violated my personal space and my work that day.

There are plenty of exciting things in your wastebasket for a dog to discover and play with.

There are a lot of violations Doggie likes to commit on a daily basis. If you have a dog, you know exactly what I’m talking about. We have learned to keep the bathroom door closed all day every day. You would never think there could be so many things for a dog to play with. Humans see trash as something to get rid of. For dogs, however, trash can be a meal, an appetizer, or even maybe more chew toys.

Our Territory and the Dog’s

Yes, there are plenty of exciting things for a dog to discover and play with in your wastebasket. The real fun, though, is when you get to clean up after Doggie is done playing. It’s amazing to see what one small creature is capable of.

Doggie has her own chair in the house. It’s chewed on. She has chew toys. They are chewed to the point of the toys being opened up and the insides pulled out and chewed on. Furniture? Chewed. Books? Chewed. I have notebooks I like to keep with me while working. She got one and chewed it.

A black notebook missing the top right corner. It's been chewed. — *My notebooks are now in protective custody.*

Doggie has a mat next to her chair. She hasn’t chewed on that… yet, but she does like to take things with her to the mat and chew away. We’re always finding remnants of things all around the house. Wife and I don’t need many guesses when we hear one of our children yelling, “No!” or, “Bad dog!”

Our First Dog

As bad as things can get, it’s not as bad as the first dog wife and I owned. We had talked about getting a dog for a while and we did it before we had children. He was a puppy, just four months old when we got him. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into, but we knew that when we got him because this was our first dog. No matter. We were ready for whatever this dog was going to bring us.

A man posing with a dog. — *Me, with our first dog. Note the blue floor between us and the gray surface with pee stains behind us.*

What he brought us was months of chewing on every piece of furniture in the house. We tried to buy a spray that was supposed to make furniture taste so bad, dogs wouldn’t want to chew on it. It didn’t work. We tried a “trainer” who only seemed interested in getting our money and that didn’t work.

Between behavioral issues and Wife getting pregnant, we couldn’t chance it with the dog and a baby. We finally gave up the dog. The day we went to the shelter, the room reserved for families who were surrendering their pooch was closed for repairs. Wife and I had a meltdown in the middle of the property as we said good-bye to our dog.

We got Another Dog

We thought we were done with dogs after that. It wasn’t easy, but we tried. Our house had pools of pee in various rooms and floors pulled up and chewed up. I honestly considered renting him out to demolition crews. He was efficient with that. Then one day, one of our children wanted a dog and did their due diligence online. They found a nearby shelter that had a dog that said child thought would be just perfect for our family. We agreed to go to the shelter to LOOK.

A dog laying down on a mat. Chewed plastic behind her. — *Doggie is tired after chewing… Or she knows she’s in trouble.*

That was then. This is now. Now we know to leave things in the middle of the table. We know to make sure Doggie has a chew toy with her if we need to leave the room or house. No one leaves valuable possessions (like notes for work) within her reach. Now I know to work upstairs where my work and I are safe from the canine’s canines. It’s fun. If you need any documents shredded, I can introduce you to our dog.

Lucky for me, Wife, and the rest of our children, things haven’t been that bad with this pooch. We have our challenges. Doggie can be a little over-aggressive at times. A lot of this comes from her still being a puppy. The younger children at our house, including the visitors, need to get away from her sometimes. Kitty needs to get away more often than that.

A dog sitting on a rug. — *Good dog. Just ignore the paper and plastic pieces.*

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Cats and Dogs

There’s never a dull moment in our house. Me, wife, five kids, a cat, a dog… Oh, yeah. We got a dog.

I’m still not sure how this all came about. One of the children, I think, started talking about how nice it would be to have a dog. The Miracles of Christ don’t think we quite have enough going on in our house or in our lives. Between elementary school and high school, we have someone at home learning remotely five days a week. Wife is still working from home. Someone needs to go to school for a tutoring session at least two days a week. On top of that, there are the daily responsibilities of keeping the house clean. Now the children want to throw another pet into the mix.

I reminded the children of the additional responsibilities that come with a dog, responsibilities that require getting out of bed before 11:00. No problem. They can do it. They will remember to feed the dog and walk the dog. These kids can’t remember to turn off a light when they leave a room but they’ll remember to take care of another animal.

It’s okay. They’ve got this. They’re going to take care of the dog. I voice my concerns, which are seriously considered by all before we start looking online for another member of our ever-growing family. We find a puppy at a local shelter. We sign up for our socially-distanced appointment. Before that, it’s off to the bank for a second mortgage and then the pet store where we buy up every dog supply the store has to offer. Wife and I are a little apprehensive now since there are no guarantees we will go home with a dog.

We get the dog. Doggie hangs out in the office with wife where she whines and whimpers. Wife stops her business presentation to explain to the listeners we have yet another addition to the family and God forbid we don’t give her our undivided attention every waking moment.

Walking the dog is a treat. The dog fights us leaving the house and down the driveway and around the block. I’m trying to get Doggie to pee or poop. I don’t need to clean another mess in this house. Wife and I had a dog before. That dog took out three chew toys, five rugs, two mats, a bookcase, and the entire floor of one room. Some of these casualties are from chewing. Some are from peeing. Wife and I are especially vigilant about walking the dog.

We took Doggie to a check-up to make sure she’s healthy and alright. She has an ear infection. Fun times. The vet said we need to make sure her teeth are clean. The Oppressed has offered to share her toothbrush. I immediately vetoed that offer.

On the plus side, we have a fenced-in yard and our compost pile (We’re such good citizens of the Earth) is also fenced off. We have that to give Doggie a space to run around and expend some energy.

The family, especially the children are excited about this addition, especially one of the Gaggle, who has immediately adopted Doggie as yet another support animal. Speaking of support animals, Kitty is not pleased with this fellow four-legged creature. She is on alert every time she sees Doggie. Bristled fur, arched back, puffy tail. The whole bit. The truth is Puppy is just as scared of Kitty as Kitty is of Puppy. They’re both little timid animals who want protection from the other. What could possibly go wrong?

Doggie May Care

“Walkin’ the dog. I’m just a-walkin’ the dog.” – Rufus Thomas

My children are enterprising. They are constantly seeking new ways to be productive. Whether it’s a way to make money or a way to give back to the community, they are able to come up with ways to improve the world or save up for something they would like to buy.

The Oppressed is usually the one who comes up with these ideas. She thought it would be a great idea to have a lending library on our property. It has been a hit with people in our neighborhood and beyond. There is barely enough room to fit any more books sometimes. That’s when I make a few selections and make room for the next person who wants to come along and be generous. I help her help others.

The latest idea from The Oppressed was a dog-sitting service. Wife would see messages on social media from people looking for someone to take care of Spot or Fluffy for a period of time while they went away. They would come with their pooch a few days before the vacation so doggie and The Oppressed could get acclimated to each other. It seems like a good fit. Doggie returns at the set time for the actual visit and The Oppressed goes to work.

Wife and I help out at times with the dog. We have a little experience with keeping a dog. We had one a long time ago. This dog was a handful. He singlehandedly pulled up the floor on our porch. He chewed bookcases and clawed doors. I think we went through four rugs in our house because he kept peeing. I could go on and maybe I will in another installment of these fantastic adventures, but the point is that Wife and I are experienced when it comes to dealing with problem pets.

At least three dogs who have entered our house during this endeavor have left us presents at various times in various places in our house. One dog tried to mark his territory on a mesh-wire wastebasket. We’ve also had some other problems like a dog whose breath was so bad we could smell their breath from the opposite side of the room. I bought some dental chews hoping it would help things. It didn’t. The dog would want to lick us and we would have a stench on our legs or feet or whatever doggie was trying to lick. We felt bad about it but the dog smelled bad.

I sometimes will join The Oppressed on a morning walk with the dog of the moment. It gives me a chance to get some exercise and talk to the Oppressed. Of course, nothing in going on and everything is great. The same story, by the way, with the older children. You’re obviously reading from half of the greatest parenting combo in the history of Parenting. Our kids are great. Nothing is wrong. They’re great. It’s obvious Wife and I are wonderful.

Of course, there was one time my status as wonderful, perfect parent may have come into jeopardy. In the middle of one night, one particular tenant was being restless and whimpering. Wife and I were woken up by the sounds of a pained pooch. I thought the dog maybe needed to be walked, so I got dressed and took the dog for a walk. This was a strong, good-sized dog and they posed some challenges for me as we saw a skunk up the street. I was able to hold on to the dog and save the both of us from getting sprayed. We returned home. The dog was still whimpering but not as much as before we left the house. Wife and I told The Oppressed about the midnight walk and she was most displeased when she found out I walked the dog without her. This, of course, was her job and she should have been included in this situation that had arisen in the middle of the night. I thought I was doing her a favor. I should have known better.