Massachusetts - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Events for Children and Adults the Stoughton Public Library

Stoughton Public Library will host events this week for people of all ages.

On Tuesday, April 14, Stoughton Reads Together will host a book discussion on “The Widow’s War” by Sally Gunning. The discussion will begin at 2:00 p.m. in the Library Community Room and is hosted by Christine Iacobucci. Registration for the event is required. Those interested in attending can register by clicking here.

Also on Tuesday, teenagers can visit the Teen Space. The Teen Space is open Tuesday-Thursday 2:30 p.m.-4:45 p.m. and features gaming systems, arts & crafts, board games, and card games.

Children ages 5-12 and their caregivers can come in on Wednesday afternoon for Drop in Chess. Instruction is available, but children are expected to have some basic knowledge. Drop in Chess is held in the Children’s Area.

Wednesday evening is Teddy Bear Storytime for children ages 4-7 and their bedtime friends. Beginning at 6:00, Peggy Sewyck will read a story in the Children’s Craft Room. Children are encouraged to wear their pajamas for this event to wind down from a long day of playtime and other activities.

While the little ones wind down, adults can bring whatever craft they are working on to the Bring Your Own Craft Club (BYOCC). The BYOCC provides a relaxed, social space for you to start or finish that project. Light refreshments will be served and registration is required. The event runs 6 p.m.-8 p.m. on Wednesday in the Community Room.

Families are invited to Family Storytime on Thursday, April 16. Storytime starts at 10:00 a.m. and is open for children ages 2-6. Not only will children be able to hear an exciting story, but they will also be able to sing and dance while attending!

Babies will get their own story time on Friday. Beginning at 10:00 in the morning, Stoughton’s littlest residents will be able to attend an interactive story time in the Community Room.

The week wraps up with a Brain Building STEM Event on Saturday in the Community Room. “Mad Science: Phenomenal Physics for Kids & Caregivers” will run from 10 a.m.-2 p.m. in the Community Room. The event is open for children ages 0-6, and a link for required registration can be found here. More information about the event can be found on the same link.

We’re getting a lot of Snow, and my Snowblower doesn’t Work

I gassed up the car. Again, a near-empty tank meant I needed to join the other Doomsday Preppers, this time at the gas station. Since I needed to gas up the car, I figured I might as well bring my gas cans and top them off as well for my snowblower. I had plenty of gas in the snowblower, but I figured I would eventually need gas anyway, so what the heck.
Returning home with full gas cans and a gassed-up truck, I proceeded to the shed to pull out my snowblower. My dad bequeathed this to me when he got his new one. He never bought a snowblower until after my brother and I moved out. My brother and I are still somewhat curious about the timing of this purchase.

Snow day is here. New Englanders have been talking about this storm all last week. Last I checked the estimate for us in my part of Massachusetts is 18-24 inches.

Snowstorm Necessities

I needed to go to the grocery store. Not because I needed the obligatory milk and bread, but because we were genuinely out of staples needed for the house. I went to Shaw’s with the typical dread I face when needed groceries coincide with the latest episode of Snowmageddon. I must say it wasn’t that bad at Shaw’s.

Returning home with full gas cans and a gassed-up truck, I proceeded to the shed to pull out my snowblower. My dad bequeathed this to me when he got his new one. He never bought a snowblower until after my brother and I moved out. My brother and I are still somewhat curious about the timing of this purchase.

Tuning up the Snowblower

I moved the snowblower and went to work getting it ready for the big day; checked the gas and primed and started it up. The snowblower didn’t start. Went through everything again. Still nothing.

Time was running short. I needed to get to work. I decided I would check on everything when I got back to work. I did just that. Returned home, ate dinner, re-read the owner’s manual, and went back outside and braved the cold and loneliness (my Miracles of Christ were inside) to see if I could revive the snowblower. I could not, and that’s where we are now.

What am I going to do? Well, I’m going to shovel. There seems like I don’t have any other choice, barring a miracle. Lucky for me and my family, I’m a healthy guy, so a little exercise won’t kill me. I’m also brave, so there’s that, too.

Time to Shovel the Snow

Snow begins to fall. We’re expecting up to 24 inches.

Shoveling is nothing new. I’ve been shoveling snow for 40 years. For a couple of years, my brother-in-law hired me to shovel some properties overnight. One property for one storm should be easier than all that. I also have two other men in my house. I know they will be happy to drop everything and help this nice man with an hour or two of clearing snow. My plan is to get out there a few hours at a time. That way we won’t be overworking ourselves.

This storm looks to be an epic one. I’ll let you know how we do.

Back from Shoveling

I went out earlier in the day. It wasn’t bad. There was only a few inches on the ground. I went back inside to warm up and reward myself with a couple of games on my Nintendo Switch.

A cup of snow. I’m going to drink the water when it melts so I can feel like a survivalist.

I left a cup outside to collect some snow. When I went shoveling overnight, I would refill my hydro flask with snow, which would melt into water in my car. This came in handy when I got thirsty. I wouldn’t need to get out of my car. The cup has since filled with snow, and soon I will have a cup of water straight from the heavens.

While I was playing on my switch, the kids were outside making sure things didn’t get out of hand. I appreciated their efforts. Not long ago, Lovie, The Oppressed, The Boy and I went back outside for another round of shoveling. Slugger stayed inside and cooked dinner for everyone.

Family Time and Road Trips

Ahhh, vacation. A time for leaving the hustle and bustle of work and everyday life. A time to replace work with fun. A time to check out someplace new and maybe try new things. Try new food, or maybe indulge in a little extra of your favorites.

Whether we’re on vacation or just trying to live our daily lives, nothing is normal or routine with our family. And even if we’re just trying to live a low-key life at home or away on vacation, action and excitement finds a way to find us.

Booking the trip

Wife and I were looking for a place to take our children on vacation this summer. Sadly, our options were limited as to where. (Check the state’s rules for foster parents if you want to know how.) After looking, consulting, and careful planning, we thought a few days at Six Flags would be just the thing. We found a nearby hotel that included passes to Six Flags. Breakfast was included with your stay. I showed this to my wife as the heavens opened up and a choir of angels began to sing. Brave Daddy had come through for his family!

I got the confirmation email shortly after booking. There was no mention of the included passes, so I called the hotel to find out if that would be in a separate email. Turns out they, “don’t do that anymore.” They stopped doing that during Coronapalooza. I tell the nice lady it would have been nice to know that when the website was saying passes were included. She was sorry.

I consult with my wife. We still want to go to Six Flags so we decide to keep the reservation since the hotel is so close to the park. Lucky for us we live in the 21st century and things can be done with the click of the mouse or tapping your phone. Loving parents that we are, we go online and look to secure tickets for our family. I find a package that fits our family and includes free soft drinks for the entire day of our visit. Brave Daddy has come through again! I check the terms and conditions to confirm this isn’t something too good to be true. I click “buy”. Rides. Food. Free drinks. Parking close to the park. I’d prepare my “Father of the Year” acceptance speech but I need to take care of things for work. I need to cook dinner and there’s a trip I need to pack for. The speech will need to wait.

The confirmation email from Six Flags arrives. The amount paid looks a little (a lot) different from what was listed at the checkout screen. Apparently I missed some things in the finer fine print. I explain to the nice person on the phone the price at checkout did not match the price charged to my card. The nice person explained the reason for the price. I asked for a refund. They don’t do that. They were sorry.

“If you actually get somebody on the phone, nobody can help but everybody understands… And they’re always sorry.”
Bill Burr

Getting There

The glorious day of leaving on vacation finally arrives. Doggie goes to the kennel. The car is packed. Everyone has their screens and headphones, ready for the ride through the fair commonwealth of Massachusetts. I love travelling and I love driving. Living in eastern Massachusetts, we don’t normally see western Massachusetts. I’m travelling to a different place. We’re going on vacation. We’re going to an amusement park. Life is good.

After our excursion (including a stop or two for food and bathroom breaks), we finally arrive at our lodging. A quaint place of business strategically located off the highway for travelers such as us. I go to the front desk to check in and get our keys. After getting the necessary information, I look over and see a “restaurant” with tables pushed to the side and chairs stacked on the tables. I ask the nice person behind the desk if that’s where the breakfast is served in the morning. The nice person gives me a look indicating they have no idea what I’m talking about. I don’t need them to say anything. I know this is going to be good. There’s no breakfast. They don’t serve breakfast. It would have been nice to know that when their website touted a free breakfast with your stay. They were sorry.

Donut Dip. Our source for breakfast.
Go there. You’re welcome.

There was a silver lining to this story. Not having breakfast at the hotel meant we needed to find a place to feed our starving children. Parents know what a tedious, thankless job this can be. I did a search of the area and found “Donut Dip”, a quaint shop near the hotel that would, could, and did solve our breakfast conundrum. The Boy and I left and returned with donuts, coffee, and juice for all of us to fill up and prepare for our excursion in western Massachusetts.

Fun at Six Flags

We arrived at Six Flags. The temperature was hot. Thankfully, we had access to the water park. After going on a couple of rides and trying to find cold drinks to cool off, we decided to splash around the water park. From the water park we were back on the rides. The Boy was the most adventurous. He went on every ride he could. He was ecstatic every time he found out he was tall enough. He and one of The Gaggle went on the SkyScreamer. It’s a ride that climbs 400 feet and goes in circles. He loved it. I think he’s still excited about going on. This was just one example of the joy he felt going on the rides.

Like I said, it was hot when we went. Luckily, our membership allowed for free soft drinks all day, everyday. There was a small problem: Half of the concession stands were closed when we were there. The concession stands that were open didn’t have functioning fountain machines. We were looking for rides and looking for drinks. Sometimes the lines for the drinks (and the food) were longer than the rides. If you’ve been to Six Flags or any amusement park for that matter, you know how long the lines can be.

I was in line at one concession stand and thought I was going to get a little added entertainment when someone tried to jump the line and fill their cup ahead of the people who were patiently waiting in line. Despite multiple reminders that there was a line and you couldn’t cut, this person continued to attempt to fill their cups. People got louder. I thought there was going to be a brawl. I had my cell phone ready to record whatever was going to go down. Would I be YouTube famous? Who knows? It didn’t happen. The person left the line. No additional drama.

We went home with more gear that when we got to the park. Children loaded up on hats, toys and souvenirs. People won prizes for winning games. My children don’t have enough stuff in their bedrooms, so naturally they got more. We stopped at a diner for breakfast before the trek home. We unloaded the car, picked up Doggie, and crashed for the night. In the morning, we packed up again for a couple of nights down Cape Cod. There we regaled Wife’s parents with glorious tales of Six Flags, the hotel, food, and a near-brawl over soft drinks.

Cape Cod presented its own challenges but challenges go with the territory when it comes to my family. I had daily shopping excursions with one of Wife’s aunt. Every time we got back we found out something was needed. We added it to the list and set out the next day. There was lively conversation at mealtimes that focused on the vacation and the fun we had food shopping. The days on Cape Cod were a lot cooler than the sweltering days in Western Massachusetts. We went to the lake one day. The kids went swimming. I stayed on the sand with Wife until The Oppressed came to me and begged me to go into the water with her. I did and I’m still recovering from the shock of the cold water. My kids would swim in a blizzard if we’d let them. Cold doesn’t faze them at all, unless of course we’re walking to or from school, taking a hike, or playing a game outside.

Doggie tried to play with my in-law’s dog, who was totally disinterested in that. Both dogs spent their time competing for table scraps that might fall from the table. They played the percentages and hung out near the Boy, who was the smallest of the family and the least careful with his plate of food. Both dogs also hung out near the grill. Their dog suddenly decided he needed to mark his territory at the grill. That was never a problem before. Now it needed to be official.

The dogs co-existed. Our dog was excited to have a playmate. Their dog tolerated our dog and made it clear on many occasions that there would be minimal playing. There were campfires at night where we had drinks and made s’mores. Walks downtown resulted in ice cream and candy. None of the kids wanted to share despite numerous requests. I reminded them I would have shared with them. They told me that’s nice.

Now we’re back home. Wife and I are back to work. We share glorious tales of our trip and learning experiences with friends and family. Camp will be starting soon. Kitty was excited to see us. Doggie was excited to have someone to (sort of) play with. It was an exciting time. I spent three hours at the grocery store to restock the refrigerator and pantry. The Boy is back at his friend’s house. The Gaggle are still sleeping until noon or later. Everyone is adjusting to life back home.

My new book, “Down in the Farm” is now available on Apple Books.