Travel - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Driving Through Construction Sites in Massachusetts

A song about driving in Massachusetts in summer.

(Sung to the tune of “Take me Home, Country Roads” by John Denver.)

Far from Heaven
Massachusetts
Closed roads, detours
Lane drop in one mile
Roads are old here
Older than the trees
Gee, it sure is hot outside
Broken down AC

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s hot
Massachusetts, Toll lanes open
Not the roads, can’t get home

All frustrations gather round them
Men and ladies, strangers to good manners
Hot and dusty, steam up in the sky
Burning smell of asphalt
Teardrops in my eye

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Traffic’s bad, and it’s late
Massachusetts, no one can merge
Cut them off, that’ll work

I hear a voice
in the car that tries to pass me
The radio can’t drown out what is next to me today
And crawlin’ down the road I get a feelin’
The traffic will be even worse on the next day, worse next day

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
No one knows how to drive
Massachusetts, speed your car up
Block them out, don’t be weak

Mass state roads. Can’t get home
Not from there. Must detour
Massachusetts, Cape and Berkshires
Can’t go home. Roads are closed
Traffic jams every road
Traffic jams every road

Your Daughter is Travelling Alone for the First Time

The family has been getting frequent weather reports, usually mentioning warm weather and sunny skies. Back here in Massachusetts, we’re in the middle of our annual Spring Monsoon, so we are happy that at least one member of the family is getting to see Mr. Golden Sun.

Travelling is good. I hope you get the chance to do it. Hopefully, The Oppressed will return home with stories of fun she and her friend had while they were away. In addition to the daily updates, we are also getting lots of pictures as our daughter documents her time on the other side of the country.

If you read this blog often, you know I like to travel and have travelled with my family to various places on the Western Hemisphere. Travelling is something I love to do, and I still look back fondly at the memories created with my family when driving or flying to our destinations.

April Vacation Plans

This week is School Vacation week. It’s a time when children across the country take a sigh of relief as they enjoy mornings without being hurried and hassled. It’s a week when parents leave the house in the morning and hope everything is still standing and intact when they return.

The Boy and his Fruit Loops have a week of bike riding and carousing planned for their days of freedom. There may even be another trip to Cape Cod planned. Apparently, my wife loves to witness more shenanigans. Why not?

Travelling to California

On the other hand, we have The Oppressed. She and a friend have decided to take a trip together to the West Coast for the week and spend some time away from parental monitoring. Well, away from parental monitoring. The girls are staying with family of The Oppressed’s friend.

I’m happy for my youngest daughter. She has a bit of the Travel Bug like both of her parents. Wife and I are happy she has this chance to see what’s out there. The three of us had lots of conversations before the day of the flight. We have also been in contact with parents of the friend. All four of us wanted to make sure everything was taken care of before the flight and surprises could be minimized during the big week.

My Vacation in New Hampshire

My brother and I took a trip when we weren’t much older than The Oppressed is now. We spent a week in New Hampshire. A family we grew up with rented a house and drove five quiet, reserved, laid-back, well-behaved boys for a week that involved arcade games, wiffle ball, and swimming. Growing up, there were plane trips to Florida and a car trip to Washington D.C. Countless trips to New Hampshire and Maine were sprinkled in between those longer journeys.

Hoping my Daughter has Fun

I’m excited for my daughter to have this opportunity. It’s her first time on the West Coast, so the jet lag was something that needed a little adjusting. One of their first stops in California was Dunkin Donuts much to my dismay. In my humble opinion, travelling means checking out the local establishments, not the chains. The Oppressed new how much this irks me and made sure to tell me where she ate when the plane landed.

Traveling is Fun

Traveling is good. I hope you get the chance to do it. Hopefully, The Oppressed will return home with stories of fun she and her friend had while they were away. In addition to the daily updates, we are also getting lots of pictures as our daughter documents her time on the other side of the country.

My children constantly hear me talk about a road trip my wife and I took right before we moved into our house. We went down the east coast seeing Virginia and Savannah, Georgia. On our way back north, we stopped in South Carolina and Philadelphia. Since then, children have accompanied us to various sites in and beyond the United States. There are more trips waiting for us. Hopefully, they will occur sooner rather than later. Maybe there will be a day on vacation when The Oppressed will see something, and it will remind her of a day in California, and she will tell us a story about a particular event when she and her friend were travelling and witnessed something exciting. No doubt the girls are seeing and doing fun things over there. Maybe she’ll write about them some day.

This is going to be a different experience for The Oppressed. She’s been on vacation with the family before. We are down Cape Cod most of the time, and there is something of a structure when we are there. It usually involves a little yard work or a small project in or out of the house. If you have a home or a yard, you understand what I’m talking about.

Cars, Bikes, or Walking; Different Advantages

If you read this blog often, you know I like to drive. I’ll drive anywhere. Driving for me is a chance to listen to some music or a podcast. Usually, I will take a scenic backroad instead of a straight-ahead main drag. It gives me a chance to see something nicer.

This driving decision drives the children nuts. They have better things to do and none of those things involve being in the car. Taking the long way home gets in the way of their socializing and other leisurely activities, especially with The Boy and the Fruit Loops. I like to pass by some farms or maybe some historical sites. Routes will sometimes take me through old neighborhoods. If children are with me, I’ll pass a little lore on to them as long as the Statute of Limitations has run out.

Not only do I like to take the scenic route, but I also like to find new roads to take. One day I took a detour to avoid construction traffic on my way to work. I ended up finding a nice scenic route that I take every day going to and from work. It’s away from the beaten path, so I’m not competing with as many people jockeying for position so they’re not late for work.

The good people at WBSM told a story about the King’s Highway. It’s a road that starts in Boston and Cambridge and ends in South Carolina. The road is 1,300 miles long.

A road like this seems like something I would love to try out. I live in Massachusetts and have family in Maine. When I drive home from visits, I like to take Route 1 home. The view is nicer than driving interstate 95 home. In addition to the drive, I might stop somewhere for something to eat. Taking the back roads gives you a chance to see something you wouldn’t normally see if you buzzing along the interstate.

Riding your Bike can be Nice, too

Driving isn’t the only way to check things out. I ride my bike from time to time. Taking my bike means I’m getting exercise, but because I’m not going as fast, I’m able to notice things I wouldn’t if I was going faster in a car. Exercise combined with the chance to maybe notice things while riding at a slower pace is also nice. Fresh air and I’m saving gas for when I really need to get somewhere.

Walking is another way. Not as fast as a bike or a car, but it’s exercise. Doggie likes walking, and she gets excited when she gets outside for a walk. After eating as much as I did over the Holidays, it’s a great idea to get outside and stretch my legs.

Backroads Meant a Lesson in Tequila

I’m not sure if I would drive the entire length of the King’s Highway anytime soon, but it seems nice to be able to check out some parts of it. Like I said before, taking the back roads gives you a chance to see something you haven’t seen in a while. Back when I smoked, I would drive up to New Hampshire for my cigarettes (a common practice for Massachusetts smokers). One day I stopped for lunch at a Mexican cantina. The cantina was run by an American gentleman who lived in Mexico for a time. While he was there, he developed a taste for tequila. The cantina’s bar featured over 100 brands of tequila, which was advertised outside.

While I was enjoying my tortilla soup, the owner gave me a little lesson on tequila and what you need to know when you’re choosing one to sip on. The biggest lesson I got from that afternoon was higher-quality tequilas usually mean hangovers that won’t be as bad as it could be. In addition to the food and conversation, I also got to support a local business. Smaller Mom-and-Pop businesses can use all the support they can get.

Benefits of Finding Different Ways

My curiosity with different routes and lesser-traveled thoroughfares started when I was a teenager on my bike. I would wonder where roads led to and sometimes took different routes than the standard streets I took when I wanted to just “take a quick bike ride”. Doing this sometimes meant I would meet different people. Sometimes I would come out of a road and end up on a street I had always been on. This would lead me to say, “Oh, this is where this goes.” If I was lucky, sometimes this road would be a shortcut to somewhere I needed to be, and it would save me time in the future when I needed to drive.

Driving gives me the chance to talk to people and listen to the radio. Sometimes I can find out about a great song or learn about something in the news. Sometimes I can learn something new with a podcast. Taking a drive allows me to do all of these things. Sometimes, I will drive down streets I used to live or past places I used to work. I notice the changes that have taken place since I left there or since the last time I drove by.

I love to drive. Working in radio, I would take the van to different places, places I had never been to before. Wife will sometimes buy things online from second-hand sites. She will be at work, and I will go pick it up. Again, it gives me the chance to check out something new. There are a lot of reasons why I like to drive. Journeys mean seeing and learning things on your way, and it’s all about the journey.

Our Christmas Vacation in Puerto Rico

Wife and I snuck down to the bar. It was a nice getaway from our getaway. Someone would look for us. I told Wife to keep her head down.

There was a lot to do during our time in San Juan. As usual, different people wanted to do different things. We divided our time between finding out what everyone wanted to do and taking in everything a new destination had to offer.

The Capital Building at San Juan, Puerto Rico.

Upon touching down in San Juan, we collected our luggage and our children and stepped outside to find a taxi. Certain children needed to be reminded we were in public, and everyone needed to pretend we were a nice, normal family. We found a taxi and were brought to our hotel. Wife and I got keys to our rooms. We had rooms next to each other. This was an improvement from last year, when our rooms were on different floors. That made coordinating events of the day a little challenging.

Nice to be at the Hotel

There was a little special something included with our keys. I’ll get into that later on. Anyway, everyone got settled into where they would be staying and sleeping for the next few days. Bags were unpacked and warmer clothes were exchanged for summer attire. It was single-digit temperatures when we left Logan Airport, and we were basking in 80-degree weather in beautiful San Juan.

We were all a little weary from our sojourn. Flying four or five hours is bad enough. Having to sit up in seats that don’t recline didn’t make it any easier and having our flight delayed didn’t help, either. Thankfully, all of that was behind us. We were ready for the warm temperatures and blue skies that San Juan had to offer us. Well, the warm temperatures were there. We needed to wait for the blue skies. Our plane landed after sundown.

The Boy wanted to see the pool. Other cherubs asked about the beach. We reminded everyone we had days to see everything in town, including the pool. For now, we needed to find somewhere to eat dinner and discuss our plan of attack.

The Oppressed in front of a Christmas tree.

Christmas Day

Christmas was spent in the hotel and at a local restaurant. Before leaving home, I called a place that wasn’t far from the hotel. They assured me they were open on Christmas and could accommodate my family (all seven of us). I played it safe and made a reservation for one o’clock in the afternoon. We arrived at the restaurant and celebrated “Navidad” in an air-conditioned restaurant. This was a far cry from the cold Christmas we celebrated last year in New York City. This year we were walking in the warm Caribbean weather. We got back to our hotel for more swimming and a little more rest.

I spent my time in the hotel room doing crossword puzzles, reading Christmas stories, and watching “A Christmas Story”. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it in Spanish. I thought I would since I was in a Spanish-speaking land. That was alright, though. It was easier for me to follow along, which made it easier on my brain.

Beach and Pool

If we weren’t swimming in the pool, we were swimming at the nearby beach. The water was warm, and we were there for hours on end. Our favorite activity there was riding the high waves that came rolling in and crashing down on the shore. Everyone had fun getting knocked over. Wife and I took time from the waves to look around and make sure all of our children were still alright from time to time.

How Many Chairs?

Our hotel had a part of the beach where people staying there could use lounge chairs put out by the staff. If we needed a break from the water, we could just head over to the chairs. Wristbands showed the staff that we were with the good guys.

Upon confirming our stay with the hotel, people manning the chairs asked us how many chairs we needed. We needed seven. Their eyes widened when they learned Wife and I were with five children. Chairs were brought out and, sure enough, there were five little cherubs with us looking for a spot to leave their things while we were in the warm Caribbean water. Not only that, but there were spots in the shade that allowed us to cool off out of the water when we weren’t in the water.

Their eyes widened when they learned Wife and I were with five children.

The beach was great. There was something about being able to swim in the ocean while people back home were dealing with cold temperatures. We were all working on our tans while friends, family and neighbors were working on their snowblowers and car batteries. We had a lot of fun at the beach and at the pool.

A New Friend

I think The Boy had the most fun at the pool. One day while hanging poolside, we met a family with a young boy. “M” and The Boy got along and started playing with each other. From that day on, the entire family knew The Boy’s vote when it came to deciding beach or pool. Getting to the pool became the priority all day every day for the boy. No matter what we were doing, The Boy wanted to get back to the hotel so he could change into his bathing suit and see if “M” was there.

Wife and I also enjoyed talking to M’s parents while we were hanging out working on our tans. We talked about our lives back home and what we did for work. It was okay for me if we got down to the pool and they weren’t there. It gave me a chance to read my book while the kids splashed around in the pool.

Further away from the hotel, the family took a tour of Old San Juan (also called “Viejo San Juan”). We saw the fort and walked down the streets of the old city. The family was near the church where Ponce De Leon was buried. Alas, it closed before we got there. The Oppressed and I were upset to learn we wouldn’t be able to see this. That’s alright, though. There were plenty of other things we say on our tour. We even hiked through a rain forest. That gave everyone in the family a chance to work off some of the extra calories we had been consuming.

Two of the cherubs walking the streets of San Juan.

Eating in Puerto Rico

Speaking of food, there was plenty of it to sample while we were down there. I was tasked with finding a place to eat on Christmas Day. We figured we could always eat at the hotel if we couldn’t find an open restaurant. Luckily, I was able to find a place that was open, and it wasn’t far from the hotel. I made reservations. They were able to accommodate seven people, bless their hearts. We were at the hotel for lunch. After lunch, a little nap and then back to the pool for a little swim and then back to the hotel rooms for some down time.

I thought hotels would give people a little taste (See what I did there?) of what the area has to offer.

When travelling, we like to try local foods (and drinks). We have learned it’s hard to do that when you’re eating at the hotel. I thought hotels would give people a little taste (See what I did there?) of what the area has to offer. Why else would people travel to different parts of the country or the world?

This wasn’t the case, however, and most of the menu was your generic American fare. I don’t have a problem with typical American food at all. I was just hoping we would be able to order something nice and Caribbean.

Happy Hour

Speaking of drinks, Wife and I found out about a nice little Happy Hour in the lobby where guests of the hotel were allotted two drinks on the house. That was nice, and we usually grabbed those drinks coming back from whatever swimming activity.

Sometimes, while the younger children were immersed in their screens and the older children were immersed in sleep, Wife and I snuck down to the restaurant for drinks and appetizers. It was a nice getaway from our getaway. Of course, one or more of the children would look for us, and their curiosity would lead them right down to the restaurant, where they would ask us what we were doing. I would tell Wife to keep her head down so no one would see us. Wife told me it wouldn’t matter. It’s not like we were behind a wall. We were sitting at a bar that could be seen by everyone in the lobby.

Dinner Plans Changed because of a Local

Our last night in San Juan was spent looking for a nice local place to end our week-long celebration of the Holidays. It had to be a place that wasn’t too far, and we couldn’t eat too late. I’ll get into that later on.

We thought we had found a great place to eat. It was close enough to the hotel we could walk. I liked that, especially since there was a lot of food and drink we had sampled and enjoyed during our vacation.

There were a lot of stray cats in San Juan.

Our walk was an interesting one. Everyone talked about how nice it was to be walking in shorts and short sleeves in December. Everyone was hungry from swimming. We were talking and nobody noticed how sketchy everything was becoming. There were some questionable looking storefronts. We were all looking around and soon we noticed our surroundings. Someone had noticed we were being followed by somebody. We all grouped closer together. Lucky for us, there was a CVS open. We went in there and waited it out. Our follower left not long after we entered the store. Adults checked outside to make sure everything was alright. We decided to go back to the hotel and eat there.

A Tough Flight Home

All good things must come to an end, including our trip. Coming home from a vacation brings you back to reality.

We were jolted back into that reality on the morning we flew home. The only flight available was at 5:00 in the morning. We were up at 3:00. Everything was packed the night before. We went to bed as soon as we could after our altered dinner plans.

Our flight wasn’t delayed this time. We left San Juan, the warm weather, the warm water, the scenery and the people (sane and sketchy). Soon we were back home. We loaded the van and drove back to our house. Our bags were left by the door and went to our bedrooms. We had been up since 3:00. People were tired and we needed to rest and recover so we could prepare ourselves to bring Doggie back home and get ready for the next exciting event that awaited us.