How to Deal with Grief and Other Challenges Estate Executors Face

When a loved one dies, there are a lot of responsibilities to go around. A home must be cleaned out. It’s important to make sure bills are being paid while the home is being prepared to be sold. There are also funds and personal effects to be dispersed. Where these funds and keepsakes are, and how they are to be accessed and distributed is a necessary and sometimes challenging task. It can also be a thankless one, and it falls on the executor to handle this.

Being an executor comes with additional duties and responsibilities. The family is mourning the loss of a loved one, and they have questions for the executor about the estate and its contents. The executor of the estate is also mourning the loss, but now there are questions to be answered. If you are the executor, it is up to you to answer those questions. If you can’t answer people’s questions, you need to find answers.

Are you the Executor of an Estate?

If you are the executor of an estate and you have questions about your title and responsibilities, you can find what you’re looking for in Pat Herring’s “The Executor Handbook”. Herring is the author of “The Estate Planning Handbook for Beginners” which was featured on this site earlier this summer.

Serving as executor is often one of the most demanding responsibilities a person will ever take on for a family member or friend.

“The Executor Handbook” explains what is expected of an executor in plain, easy-to-understand language. There are a lot of difficulties and challenges for an executor, even if you have done it before. One of the biggest challenges to handling an estate is fielding questions from relatives who want to know when assets will be disbursed. People don’t realize there is a process to an estate being opened and a careful inventory must be taken of what is included in the estate. If the executor is lucky, it will be easy to find everyone named in a will, locate them, and give them what the will dictates.

Unfortunately, that is not always the case. There may be heirs who have passed away, moved away, or don’t speak to the family anymore because of a falling out. All the while, there are other people who are anxious to lay claim to something that is in the estate. The executor must remind them of the importance of the will and funds as well as other property must go to people the will names.

How to Properly Maintain the Estate

Part of maintaining the estate includes dealing with informal agreements that were in place while the decedent was alive. These agreements may include use of a vehicle. If the vehicle is part of the estate, it must be held to as little use as possible to ensure its condition who whoever is slated to receive it through the will.

Some relatives will as about mementos and keepsakes. These seemingly insignificant items that aren’t worth much in an open market may hold enormous sentimental value. However, the executor must remember they are in charge of the estate and must be sure that everything is in its proper place until it determined what is to be given out and what is not. If the executor agrees to give something away and then realizes it was meant for someone else according to the will, that could make for some problems down the road.

Money is possibly the biggest example when it comes to sources of conflict in an estate. Relatives may approach the executor for small “loans” or try to pressure them into releasing some funds sooner than they should. The executor should resist these “requests” for two main reasons. First, they don’t know who is legally entitled to the money. Second, part of the money may need to go toward the upkeep of the property while the estate is going through probate. The executor must make sure each payout can be accounted for. This means record-keeping. Thorough records can help the executor keep track of where the money has gone. It can also provide an explanation if there are questions about money that seems to be missing.

Records provide clarity, and clarity reduces conflict.

Executors will face challenges and questions from multiple people. This can lead to difficult discussions and some disagreements. It is important for the executor to understand their obligation is to the estate and the final wishes of the decedent who made out the will. As mentioned before, what seems like a simple request can lead to trouble down the road with bookkeeping and making sure everything is accounted for and final wishes are honored. As Herring says in his book, “Fairness isn’t the same as pleasing everyone.”

Patrick Herring

“The Executor Handbook” is what’s needed to avoid trouble and confusion for executors and their families. Herring offers tips for those who have been faced with questions and difficult moments and conversations. Grieving the loss of a loved one is hard. Needing to explain to family why they can’t just take something from a house can make grief harder. When it comes to wills, estates, and their executors, an informal conversation no one else was party to won’t be good enough if someone wants something from the house, no matter how small or inconsequential it may seem. Also, the argument of “It’s what they would have wanted” won’t hold up in a court that looks for ironclad proof and documentation of an estate. That is the job and function of a will. Making sure the will is properly handled is the job and function of the executor. It’s not an easy job, but Herring’s book can help take some of the stress away. 

The Estate Planning Handbook for Beginners

In addition to making sure everything is in place, it’s important to make sure you have communicated those wishes to the proper parties. If you want someone to take care of your children should something happen to you, make sure those people they are the chosen guardians. It’s bad enough trying to deal with a family emergency without finding out you’ve been charged with caring for little ones.

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As Wife likes to say, “Life is what happens when you make plans.” Even if you don’t make plans, life will happen. All you can do is try to prepare yourself, and hopefully, you’ll be ready for the next challenge Life throws at you.

Daddies and Mommies are busy. We have our regular jobs, and then there’s the cooking, shopping, getting to practices, games, school plays, and doctor’s appointments. Parenting comes with a lot of responsibilities. We want to take care of our families.

Taking care of the kids can take on a lot of different meanings. There are the obvious tasks: meals, health, clean clothes. As our kids get older, though, we are taking care of them in different ways.

Taking Care of Your Family

We want to take care of our families, especially our children. You can only do so much for your own Miracles of Christ, but whatever it is you’re trying to do for them, you want to make sure it’s done right.

Part of making sure things are done right includes ensuring your family is taken care of after you leave this mortal realm. You may have this under control already. Some of the more prepared Daddies and Mommies have things taken care of. Important things like wills, deeds, powers of attorney, and trusts are just some of the things you should have when it comes to making sure your final wishes are honored and your loved ones are getting the assets you’ve worked hard to attain and keep while you were on this planet.

This can seem like a daunting task to some. It’s not always easy making sure things are in working order. However, this isn’t something that needs to be done all at once. If you take these tasks on one at a time, these problems will solve themselves. As I once heard someone say, if you take care of the little things, the big things will fall into place.

The Estate Planning Handbook for Beginners

Let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way, the title is long, and the subject matter is dry, but what’s inside is priceless information that will help you and your family.

Patrick Herring (photo: Harner Legal Forms)

Patrick Herring is someone who knows about getting things taken care of. Patrick has spent over twenty years helping clients deal with the pitfalls and hurdles of making sure money and other assets make it safely to the next generation. He’s a lawyer, but believe me, I’ve met some lawyers who are decent people.

Patrick has written “The Estate Planning Handbook for Beginners: A Plain-English Guide to Protecting your Family and Planning Ahead with Confidence”. Let’s get the obvious stuff out of the way, the title is long, and the subject matter is dry, but what’s inside is priceless information that will help you and your family. It’s bad enough when emergencies or surprise losses in the family occur but making it worse is when there is no contingency plan, or there was a plan, but you don’t know where instructions and final wishes are stored.

Estate planning doesn’t begin with mastering every legal detail. It begins with a few clear decisions.

There could be other problems when it comes to managing your final wishes or what to do in case of an emergency. Relationship dynamics can change. Relatives can have a falling out with each other. Couples can get divorces. People can remarry. Relatives you were prepared to trust with your life’s work or your children could die before you. Ther are many things that can happen as you get through this thing called life. It’s not enough to file documents and forget about it. You need to have periodic reviews of everything to make sure everything is in working order and things can be as turn-key as they can possibly be when an event happens and paperwork needs to kick in.

This includes making sure everything lines up. If one form says something, but another form says something completely different, it could cause complications when your family is trying to handle everything. Worse, it could also cause some conflict between family members if there are to different sets of instructions regarding the same episode.

A Great Plan. Does your Family Know?

The question isn’t how many documents are in the folder. The question is whether the documents, the asset setup, and the decisions behind them all tell the same story.

In addition to making sure everything is in place, it’s important to make sure you have communicated those wishes to the proper parties. If you want someone to take care of your children should something happen to you, make sure those people they are the chosen guardians. It’s bad enough trying to deal with a family emergency without finding out you’ve been charged with caring for little ones.

Having old documents isn’t the same as having the right documents.

You also need to let people know where things are stored. It’s important to know what needs to happen in case of such emergencies. When you are explaining your final wishes to relatives, make sure they know where things can be accessed when it’s time. This will make things easier for your next of kin and also for yourself.

It’s not easy when you need to take care of your family, but having an updated plan that everyone is aware of can make it a little easier when the family is blindsided with news of an illness that leaves a loved one incapacitated. If everyone knows the relative’s wishes for such an event, it won’t make it less painful, but it will make it easier to deal with shout the moment arise.

Dealing with these things isn’t fun. Talking about these things isn’t pleasant, but if you can make things a little easier for your family when a crisis emerges, take comfort in knowing you are helping them make a difficult time a little easier. Patrick wants to help you alleviate these difficulties. His book can do just that. 

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