school - Funny Parenting Stories for Fathers (and Mothers)

Salem State University WMWM Radio Station: A Trip Down Memory Lane

I’m hearing news of Salem State University’s radio station, WMWM, is going off the air. As a former DJ of the campus station, I was sad when I heard of this news and I hope it isn’t true.

Starting College

I started college in 1995. Orientation was a couple of weeks before that. Incoming freshmen could sign up for groups and clubs during that time if they wanted to. There was a table for the college radio station. Radio was always something that interested me, so I signed up. Soon after the orientation, I got a call from Shilo, the Program Director at WMWM. Shilo asked if I was still interested in working at the station, and I certainly was. I had a training session with a DJ named Mike.

At 8:00 in the morning, I was at Salem State. Mike was surprised to see me. No one told him he would be training someone that day. Mike was a cool guy. He even let me go on the air a couple of times to read a PSA and introduce some songs. I had a great time. It was the first of three training sessions I was to have.

My first semester in college included WMWM and Salem State’s Student Government Association (SGA). I was involved with both. I don’t remember how it happened, but there was an open shift one night at 9:00. Shilo asked if I wanted to do a show on my own. I absolutely did. The show ran from 9:00 to midnight. My class the next day wasn’t until 2:00 in the afternoon, so I wasn’t worried about the late night.

One Radio Show Led to Another

I did another show after that. This time it was 9:00 in the morning. Shilo called me again, saying the Thursday morning show was mine if I wanted it. Again, I absolutely did.

I hosted my show, following Chris. Chris went on to intern for Kiss 108. Soon a friend from high school, Jeff came in to make some appearances, and we eventually became a duo. Another friend, Jan would also make guest appearances. Our own “Zoo” was forming. Heather had the show after me. I always ragged on her on and off the air. Two other people would call in. One called from work and another called during his lunch period in high school.

Freebies were a great fringe benefit, especially the music. I would get CD’s or tapes from record labels. The station would get stuff to play before everyone else. If the band was from Massachusetts, I was doubly sure to make sure those bands were played on my show. One local band was Powerman 5000. They were in the same genre as Rage Against the Machine and 311. They played at Salem State, and I got to see them.

My time at WMWM laid a foundation for a love of music that I still have. I went to see local bands play at bars and clubs when I got older. Drinking some beers and listening to live music was a great way to spend a Saturday night. Going to record stores is something I still enjoy. The stores are few and far between, but I hear analog music is coming back. If that’s true, I’d be very happy. Maybe a few extra record stores could fill some empty storefronts I see. The town would benefit from this, too. Everyone could be happy.

WMWM was the first radio station I got to be a part of. I worked at a few other stations around Massachusetts. My children were born when I was working promotions for WBZ 1030. Unfortunately, I needed to leave that job to stay home with the kids. I still miss the station and the people I worked with. Michael was one of my bosses. We crossed paths again a couple of years later when he hired me to write a few articles for Northeastern University’s Bouvé College of Health Sciences.

Me and The Oppressed sporting gear from WBZ 1030.

Thank You, WMWM

I’ve spent the morning trying to confirm the rumors of WMWM shutting its doors. I haven’t heard anything official, but the word on the street is that this is indeed the case. My two years in the Campus Center basement were incredible. I also need to mention another person. Chris and I went to high school together. He also joined the radio station and went on to run a cluster of radio stations up in New Hampshire. I was happy for him when I heard he was returning to radio on weekends.

There were a lot of people I met when I was on and off the air at WMWM. Some of these people played big parts in shaping the person I am today. I walked away from the station with a deeper appreciation for music. I did my first radio show and my first voiceover gig there. One year I was Sports Director and laid the foundation for hockey games being broadcasted. It was a sense of pride when I saw Salem State hockey listed in the nightly sports radio programs in the newspapers. I had a hand in that. Speaking about a wide range of topics is something I still love to do.

If you are a college student reading this, I implore you to try an extracurricular activity or two. You will meet some great people who share your interests. At college, I met great people in radio and in the SGA. These people helped me in a lot of ways. Sometimes you don’t realize the people who helped you become the person you are until years after you last speak to them. WMWM did a lot for me and other students in helping them prepare for life after college. Students at Salem State won’t get to try college radio, but there are a lot of schools out there with radio stations. I hope they continue to go strong, and I hope everyone who spends time there enjoys it as much as I did. The last day I walked out of WMWM, I didn’t realize I wouldn’t be going back.

Moving into College for the First Time with Your Child

The family has already started our school routine, as we have taken Lovie to college. This was the first time I had a hand in moving a child into their dorm.

The glorious institution
of higher learning.

Summer is winding down. Days of sitting in front of a screen all morning while downing a box of sugar-infused cereal and then complaining of no food in the house will soon be replaced with frantic wake-up calls and glorious reprisals of The Homework Wars. Moving into college has begun our transition from summer laze to school days.

The family has already started our re-entry into intellectual stimulation, as we have taken Lovie to college. She’s living away, and this was the first time I had a hand in moving into college.

*“No one will notice me if I stay still.”*

There were many trips to the store to buy supplies for Lovie before the big day. We bought bedding, we packed boxes of clothes. There were snacks for the dorm. Days leading up to Moving Day were spent organizing boxes and bags. On the magical day, we loaded up the car and hit the road for what would be Lovie’s home for the next three or four months, minus a few weekends here and there.

Family Outfits for the Day

When we were at Freshman Orientation, Wife stopped by the school store to purchase t-shirts for me, Lovie, and herself. People thought it would be a great idea if we wore the shirts while working on campus.

I wasn’t sure if I would find my shirt in time for our big day of having one less child to worry about – I mean, moving our precious child into college.

I had a small problem. My shirt had been commandeered by The Gaggle, and I informed Wife that I wasn’t sure if I would be able to find my shirt in time for our big day of having one less child to worry about – I mean, moving our precious child into college.

The Oppressed heard me talking to Wife and sprang into action. My youngest daughter, God bless her heart, grabbed a t-shirt out of my dresser and ran downstairs. She returned moments later with a homemade college t-shirt just for me. I would not be left out of the family-themed shirt ensemble, after all thanks to The Oppressed.

Getting to Work on the College Campus

Upon arriving at campus, we loaded up the available carts. The elevators are small and can only hold a couple of people plus the carts. I was willing to take one for the team and carried things up the stairs. Everything was taken out of the car and brought to the dormitory after a few trips. Some rearranging of the bunks and wardrobes were necessary to accommodate students and personal effects.

Lovie saw her roommates come in. She had met them before Moving Day. Wife and I had not. We briefly chatted with the roommates and their parents as they came into the dorm. After our work was done, we went out to get something to eat. We went back to the dorm to wish Lovie well and go home. The Oppressed left a note for her to read when she got settled in.

The family got into the car. There was a lot of room for us now that all of Lovie’s things had been taken out. We enjoyed the extra room as well as the air conditioning. Lovie’s dorm didn’t have central air unlike our home, and I’m wondering how our sensitive little creature is adapting to the third-world conditions (There is a fan in the window, nothing else). We returned home and rested our weary bodies from the stair-climbing and box-lugging that filled our day.

Our Daughter Called from College

Our services were required less than a week after bringing our dear daughter to her home in Academia. Some of her new housewares had fallen apart and needed to be replaced. I bring some of the children and Doggie to campus, as Lovie seems to think any animal in the house is her support animal. Children, Doggie, and I see her and drop off the needed wares. We say our hellos and goodbyes and head back home. There are crises to attend to back home, and I need to prepare for the next crisis on campus.

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Brave Daddy Passes Fourth Cori, Second Fingerprinting

Results clear way to chaperone
children’s field trips

Brave Daddy stops his yardwork long enough to address adoring public upon
hearing news of his latest successful CORI check. **(Photo: Brave Daddy)**

Brave Daddy, the parent renowned for his humorous stories on parenting, youth sports, and homework, has passed his fourth CORI and second round of fingerprinting, local sources have reported.

Results were reported by local school staff. The latest passed check clears the way for the parenting pundit to accompany his children on various field trips and participate in other school-sanctioned activities. Brave Daddy’s wife has also passed her CORI and fingerprinting, also allowing her to chaperone.

The need for yet another round of background checks arose from the desire to chaperone previously mentioned field trips his children are going on. Previous checks were done for baseball, flag football, and foster parenting.

“I’m very happy with the results of this latest check,” Brave Daddy said taking a break from mowing his yard.

Pivetta on the mound for Sox against Texas, Dunning.

Brave Daddy’s lawyer, Dewey Cheatum, was glad but not surprised upon hearing the results, and expressed hope his client would no longer need to prove his merit to the community.

“The crucible of tribulations my client has met and overcome should provide example and inspiration to daddies and mommies everywhere,” Cheatum said. “His Herculean efforts to get to where he is now are extraordinary.”

*Another piece of the acquitting evidence*

An unnamed source called the needed fourth check, “a clerical error on an unknown bureaucratic level.”

While he is excited to see new things with his family, Brave Daddy also expressed interest in investigating the offerings of snack bars and food trucks in the vicinity of the field trip sites.

“I’m hoping to find some barbecue or ice cream,” he said hopefully.

The elation of the news is not just contained to Brave Daddy. Brave Daddy’s youngest daughter, The Oppressed, has voiced her approval of the results and is looking forward to a full docket of activities as the school year enters the homestretch. Brave Daddy’s youngest son, The Boy, wants to go to a friend’s house to play. Older children Slick, Slugger, and Lovie are campaigning to have final exams cancelled and could not be reached for comment. The Gaggle is currently asleep.

Celtics hope to stay alive in Milwaukee.

Brave Daddy’s wife declined comment on the matter, citing, “the ridiculousness of the story and subject matter.

Walk to School Day with the Kids

We had a special day at the school of The Oppressed and The Boy. We had our annual “Walk to School Day”. Allow me to explain to you why this is a special event in my town. Sidewalks are few and far between. My neighborhood has no sidewalks at all, and we share the road with cars. It’s fun. Once you get out of my neighborhood, there may or may not be a sidewalk on one side that people walking in both directions can share. New York is a walking city. Some say Boston is a walking city. My city? Not so much.

I walked to school every day from the first grade to the eighth. I went to high school in a different town, so walking would have taken a while and proven a little difficult. When my kids started school, it was hard for me to understand how kids couldn’t walk to a school they live so close to, but here we are: Unable to walk to school every day.

Houses in a suburban neighborhood with walkways shoveled after getting 30 inches of snow. — *The 30 inches of snow we received. Luckily, some was gone before our walk.*

That’s alright. “Walk to School Day” gave me a chance to do something with my younger kids. One, like me, wishes we could do it every day. Another is happy to take a car to and from school. I tell both children we can’t walk to school if everyone doesn’t agree to walk. I don’t like taking the car, but it’s what I can do to keep everyone happy.

So, the day we walk to school finally arrived. Police were stationed at various points to make sure there was some type of demarcation between cars and pedestrians. One of my children had band practice. I carried their instrument for them so they wouldn’t be burdened too much. We made it to school. Hearts beating, blood pumping. Luckily, the day wasn’t as cold as it had been and some of the 30+ inches of snow we got had been cleared enough for us to move our legs. Our children were happy to be at school. The Oppressed was very happy because it meant the walk was over and she was promised we could drive home.

Children and parents in front of school in the morning. — *Arriving at school. The end*
*of an arduous march.*

That was fine. I was happy to walk home that morning and get a little more exercise. On the way home, I ran into someone who felt the need to bend my ear about something. I honestly don’t remember what, but they had a lot to say. I guess I forgot to remove the sign from my face that says, “Tell me Your Life Story”.

So, that was our morning walk. I went about my business and did what I needed to do after our morning constitutional. That afternoon, I went to pick up the children. As we were walking away from the building, The Oppressed reminds me I said we were driving home. I reminded her I never said what afternoon that was. You ever see hope leave a child’s face? It’s hilarious. I wish I had a camera.

“A Collection of Short Stories” is now available on Apple Books.

School Days, Here Again

It’s September. That means transitioning from vacation to school. Hopefully, it will also mean having a few more uninterrupted conversations with my wife now that the Miracles of Christ are back in school.

Everyone is adjusting to the new schedules. Some children are dealing with the harsh reality of not waking up at noon. Other children are adjusting to a morning of getting dressed and leaving the house instead of rolling out of bed and going on autopilot to the television, generating just enough energy to stay vertical until they reach the couch.

I’m adjusting, too. I need to make sure I’m up early enough to get the little cherubs out of bed and on their way to the car or bus. I’m helping children get their breakfast and find their things so they can be on time for school. The first day of school was tough. Kids had tons of supplies to see themselves through the school year. Usually, we can get to the school a day or two before the official first day and drop the things off so children can just walk to their classrooms on Day One and not worry about anything else but making it to the classroom and seeing who they were sitting next to.

It didn’t happen this time. Oh, well. I dropped off The Oppressed and The Boy with their gear. Luckily, things fit in their bags and they were able to remain upright on their way into the building. I went home and did my work, patiently waiting for the time I could return to the school and find out about their day.

That glorious time came and I eagerly waited at the school parking lot for the doors to open and release the children from the temporary adult oppressors to the permanent oppressors. The Oppressed was in relatively good spirits and gave about as much information as I could expect. The Boy, on the other hand, was none too happy. Apparently, his teacher took his things from him as soon as he got to his room and locked them up on him. The Boy didn’t understand why the teacher had to take his things away from him without any explanation. I decided to find out more about this and asked The Oppressed, who just happened to be an alumna of this teacher. It turns out this teacher allows the students to keep what they need in their desks and the excess stock is kept in a closet. When the student needs something, the teacher will fetch it from the closet, thereby making sure that everything is accounted for, nothing gets lost, and the student has everything they need for a successful school year. The Boy didn’t exactly see it that way and was upset with his teacher for days because she, “stole” the things he needs for school. The Oppressed and I tried to explain what happened. The Boy said she should have spoke to him about it and asked him if it was alright to take his things before she took it. After all, The Boy reminded us, it’s his stuff.

Despite my inexperience and lack of know-how when it comes to parenting (I just live here with my children), I have learned there are times when it is best to just let kids sulk and stew about the cruel lot cast upon them by fate. At this point, all I can do is patiently wait for The Boy to need something and, at that time, the teacher will go to the closet and retrieve what he needs from the supply closet. Maybe then he will understand the grand scheme of the teacher and her classroom.

Time will tell. As of now, there are other things to deal with. Another round of the Homework Wars will be descending upon us. There are flag-football, cheerleading, and cross-country practices to attend. Wife and I have our own jobs. I know I said something about having uninterrupted conversations with my wife while the children are away, but there may be other things lurking in the shadows and waiting to snatch whatever chance I have to talk to her without someone or something jumping in and fill what I thought was an opening.

Teaching the Children

Homeschooling for another day.
I try to help. They say, “No way!”
Instead they’d rather run away.

The start of yet another
productive morning

A morning meeting. Please sit still.
It’s important. Can’t you chill?
They leave the room. Run down the stairs.
They don’t sit still. They won’t. They can’t.
I’m just glad they’re wearing pants.

The door’s wide open. Of course it is.
It’s cold. Who cares? Not my kids.
I give a chase. Run down the flight.
I’m pouring something strong tonight.
Maybe bourbon. Maybe scotch.
I don’t know. It’s not yet lunch.

There are meetings. Log on Zoom,
Then get my kids back to their rooms
And sit them down. Now, pay attention.
It’s important. Did I mention
That what is being said, you’ll need
To finish your assignment, see?
Now, be good children and learn how.
It’s too early to think scotch right now.
Sit right down. There’s nothing to it.
You must anyway. Just sit and do it.

“But, Dad,” they say. “It’s way too hard.
“I’m bored. Where’s my Pokémon cards?”

I don’t know and I don’t care.
I can’t hear ’bout life’s unfair.
You need to do your work today.
Get it done, then you can play.

They settle down. They read and write.
Then run like that word I can’t type.
I know we’re all adults right here,
But what if a little one sneaks near?
Mom! Dad! What does that say?
Nothing, Dear. Now go and play.

Their work is done. Lord, what a chore.
They flee from academic bores.
Again, forget to close the door.

Another day is done, at last.
The evening will pass by so fast.
I put the books and pens away.
I think of what comes the next day.
More of the same. More protesting.
More resistance and more jesting.
But I will help them, yet again.
I’ll help them see it to the end.
Reading, writing, Uncle Sam.
Daddy sure could use a dram.

Good Talk

We survived the summer. You did too, I take it. Congratulations!

I love talking to my children, especially when they get back from school or an activity. I like hearing about what they did, who they talked to. I like hearing about everything that happened in between the time they left the house and the time they returned.

My children have a way of downplaying whatever they did and wherever they went. They did nothing. No one spoke to them. They talked to nobody. They sit alone. They eat alone. They go to somewhere and just stand or sit there the entire time until it’s time for them to leave.

The Boy has a friend who has been going to school with him for a couple of years. I would pick them both up and take them home. Walking to the car, I would ask them what they did. The boy’s friend would answer, “Nothing! We did nothing!”

A new school year has descended upon us. I am excited for my kids. I am eager to know about their new rooms. Where they sit. How is the room set up with Coronapalooza? They don’t remember. School was okay. Great. We’ll be back tomorrow, Dad. Relax.

This week, I saw The Boy had a drawing in his hand. What was it? I asked what he had drawn? Was it a picture of something he did during vacation? Was it a drawing of the family?

“It’s just random coloring, Dad,” He said to me.

Good talk.