Surrogacy is getting a lot of press recently, but some coverage can get a few key facts wrong. From who chooses to become a surrogate to how compensation works, there’s a lot of outdated information that can shape one’s opinion.
Surrogacy is one of the most beautiful and transformative ways to build a family. But despite its growing visibility and acceptance, myths and misconceptions continue to cloud public understanding. Agencies like Growing Generations have supported surrogates and intended parents (IP’s) through every step of this journey. Growing Generations is a surrogacy agency based in Los Angeles. For over three decades, Growing Generations has seen the fears, the triumphs, and the questions whispered in quiet moments, and the resilience it takes to pursue this path.
Kelly Enders-Tharp, Education and Experience Specialist at Growing Generations, and a 3-time surrogate, seeks to clear up the most common myths she and other the rest of the staff hears from families. After nearly three decades supporting intended parents and surrogates, Growing Generations’ team hears the same questions again and again, so here’s a simple guide to modern gestational surrogacy from Kelly: what it is, what it isn’t, and the facts that matter.
Here are the 7 myths we’re asked about most, and Kelly’s experience-based answers for each.
Popular Surrogacy Myths
Myth #1. The surrogate can change her mind and keep the baby.
Reality: This is one of the most common fears among intended parents. Comprehensive legal agreements and parentage orders protect the intended parents’ rights from the start. The women who become surrogates understand, deeply, that the child they carry is not theirs, doesn’t share any biological connection, and is a gift they’re helping to deliver.
“Gestational surrogates understand from the beginning that the child is not theirs,” Enders-Tharp explained. “Informed consent, psychological screening, contracts and legal counseling ensure clarity and protect everyone involved.”
Myth #2. Surrogacy is illegal or legally risky everywhere.
Reality: The legal landscape for surrogacy varies, yes, but it is far from lawless. In fact, many U.S. states and countries around the world have well-established legal frameworks to support surrogacy. With proper legal guidance, the process is not only safe but also legally sound.
Enders-Tharp acknowledges surrogacy laws vary by location, but also pointed out many states and countries have, “robust legal frameworks” that protect surrogates, intended parents, and the baby. She encourages intended parents to ask how their location and circumstances may shape the journey.
Myth #3 Surrogacy is exploitative and takes advantage of women.
Reality: Surrogacy is built on consent, integrity, and mutual respect. As an example, Growing Generations conducts extensive screening to ensure every surrogate participates freely and with full understanding.
“We believe in compensating the surrogate fairly for their commitment, effort, and medical risk involved,” Enders-Tharp said. She further explains fair compensation acknowledges the surrogate’s investment of time, commitment, and any medical risk exposure.
“Every ethical program ensures informed consent and voluntary participation from the surrogate. Not all women who apply should become surrogates; it is the agency’s responsibility to uphold ethical standards and ensure women are never exploited.”
Myth #4. The surrogate is the baby’s real mother.”
Reality: In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate has no genetic connection to the child.
“She is the incredible woman who carries the pregnancy, not the mother,” Enders-Tharp explains. “In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries the embryo but does not contribute to the genetic make-up of the baby.”
The intended parents are the child’s contractually legal parents from the very beginning. Enders-Tharp calls this a common myth perpetuated by ignorance about the IVF process.
Myth #5. Intended parents won’t bond with the baby.
Reality: The bond between parent and child is created through love, care, and presence – not necessarily through pregnancy. Surrogacy agencies have seen intended parents build deep, immediate connections with their child. For many, the journey of surrogacy deepens the appreciation and attachment they feel from the moment they meet their baby. Enders-Tharp says intended parents and the surrogate can work together to create bonding experiences.
“Bonding is a continued process that includes love, care, and being present. Many intended parents form deep connections with their child from the very first moment. For some, bonding begins before birth, by asking their surrogate to share specific music, stories, and recorded messages with the IPs’ voices for the fetus to hear.”
Myth #6. Children born through surrogacy will face stigma or identity issues.
Reality: Children born via surrogacy are no different in their ability to thrive, love, and feel secure. When raised with openness and love, they grow up proud of the journey that brought them into the world. They are deeply wanted and they know it. Enders-Tharp dispels this myth with the simple fact that the children were indeed planned and intended every step of the way.
“Children born through surrogacy flourish just like any other children when raised with love and honesty,” she says. “Their arrival is deeply intentional; growing up knowing they were profoundly wanted, and the dedication their parents showed to make this possible speaks volumes.”
Myth #7. Surrogacy is morally wrong or unnatural.
Reality: There’s nothing more natural than wanting to build a family. People choose surrogacy for all kinds of personal reasons, and each story is valid. It’s an intentional process supported by professionals who make sure everyone is protected and respected. Families of all backgrounds embrace surrogacy because it’s a chance for them to welcome a child with love.
Enders-Tharp calls surrogacy, “an ethical and compassionate choice that allows people from all walks of life to experience the joy of parenthood. The desire to build a family is one of the most essential and natural human desires.”
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